when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
