Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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