Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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