There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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