i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
