And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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