I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
