1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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