Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
