He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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