I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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