Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
