Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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