my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
