I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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