Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
