fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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