with your own penis?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
