Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
