he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
