I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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