someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
