I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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