I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
