Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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