May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
