you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
