i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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