In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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