Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
