You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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