: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
