i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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