hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
