remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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