they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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