I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
