I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize