So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
my liver is dry heaving
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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