WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
