My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
