And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
