Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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