I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
