why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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