So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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