this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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