This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My ass is underappreciated
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
