Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
