I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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