I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
