Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize