ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
