Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
