Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
