i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
