she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
