I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
