Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
