I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
