What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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