She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
