I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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