I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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