; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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