Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
