Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
