We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
