I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
