once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
