Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
