i think i have two assholes
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
