Whod you bang
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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