youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
