so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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