My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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