I accidentally had phone sex last night
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
