He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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