I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
