my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Bring me that man meat
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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