so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
