When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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