Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
