Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
