based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
