you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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