All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
