Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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