so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We need to get me chipped asap
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
