I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
