I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
