Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
A+ Viking dick
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
