she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
