Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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