I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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