don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
