So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
