and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
