Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
