I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
