All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
