shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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