There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
