i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Randomize
