# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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