i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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