She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I think my fart just growled at me.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
