When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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