I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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