When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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