just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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