Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
