I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
