its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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