2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
