Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
