last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
